Drunk Dialing
by KisaHeart22
Summary: When Peter Pan dips into Captain Hook's rum stash, he suddenly becomes very handsy with his second in command. Felix can't help but hold out hope that perhaps this night will go well for him! … Or perhaps it'll just turn out like all of Peter's other drunken evenings… Felix can never tell.


"Felix!" An all too familiar voice suddenly called out cheerfully.

Felix stopped just inside the clearing and smirked a little to himself at the sight of the shorter, brunette boy practically bounding over to him. Peter stopped just mere inches away from Felix, his nose wrinkled with a grin, and raised up onto his toes.

"Hel-lo," he purred, pushing his arms up underneath the taller boy's shirt and pressing his hands against Felix's back.

Even if Peter's breath hadn't had that distinct, bitter aroma to it, Felix could have still gathered exactly what was going on by the brunette's unusual behavior.

"I see somebody's been in the Captain's rum cabinet again," Felix stated with a tiny smirk of amusement as he rested his hands on the shorter boy's waist.

Peter's grin widened as he pressed his nose up against Felix's but then suddenly frowned and shook his head.

"No," he stated firmly. "No. ... Okay, yes!"

A wide grin spread across Peter's face once more but then quickly faded.

"Why are you always wearing that hood?" He demanded, shoving his arms higher up the back of Felix's shirt in order to grasp onto the bottom of the hood and tug it off.

Felix closed one eye as his head was pulled back a bit and then released a quiet sigh. Peter was a handful even when he was sober. Drunk Peter was almost impossible to keep up with and Felix was already tired from a long day.

Peter grinned again and pressed himself flush against Felix's body.

"There. I can actually see your hair now."

Once more, Peter pushed his arms up higher underneath Felix's shirt, somehow trying to reach the taller boy's hair from beneath the fabric. Felix's eyes actually widened a bit in surprise as the front of his shirt rose high above his bare stomach. He shot a glance over towards the fire at the other end of the campsite, suddenly noticing the group of boys watching the two curiously.

"Peter," Felix began quietly, placing his hands on Peter's upper arms and gently pushing them down. "You could reach my hair out from under my shirt."

Peter frowned but kept his hands pressed against Felix's back.

"I know but... you're just so sexy," he purred, grinning again and pushing harder against the taller boy's body. "And you're so good in bed, Felix. SO good."

Felix could actually feel his cheeks beginning to flush at the bold remark.

Peter slowly slid his hands down Felix's lower back causing a shiver to skate up the blonde's spine. Suddenly, Peter pushed his hands down the back of Felix's pants playfully.

Felix could feel his face bursting with red. He was very thankful in that moment that his cloak completely covered his sides and back so none of the Lost Boys on the other side of the clearing could see exactly what was going on with their leaders.

Peter was practically purring with delight when his eyebrows suddenly shot up on his forehead with realization.

"Do you know how sexy our children would grow up to be?" He asked, leaning a little away from the taller boy in order to look at him more fully. He pulled his hands out of the back of Felix's pants as he grinned once more.

"We should make a baby!" Peter declared with a look that clearly showed what a brilliant idea he thought this was.

Felix's brows furrowed ever so slightly as he merely stared at the shorter boy, admittedly a bit perplexed by the comment. He wasn't sure if Peter was so drunk that he had completely forgotten how biology worked or if he was simply making another remark on what their kids would look like.

Either way, Felix wasn't the kind of person to look a gift horse in the mouth. After all, it had been a while since he and Peter had been able to get some real alone time together.

Felix smirked a bit devilishly as he pulled Peter's body closer to him again.

"Yes, we should," he agreed, quite pleased with this night's turn of events.

Usually when Peter was drunk off his rocker he just wanted Felix to tag along on some random mission or game until Peter finally passed out. This was certainly proving to be a much more beneficial night for Felix.

Peter grinned and pushed up onto his toes eagerly, crushing his lips hard against Felix's and then wrapping his arms tightly around the blonde's neck. Felix placed his hands on Peter's waist once more but remained acutely aware of the many pairs of eyes on them from across the clearing. Felix had always enjoyed Peter's... adventurous side but they really needed to find somewhere more private.

Felix was just about to make the suggestion when Peter suddenly pulled back, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"Wait," he said, clearly trying to figure something out. "Babies..."

His eyes suddenly widened in realization.

"I have a baby!" He exclaimed.

Felix merely studied Peter's expression, a bit confused by the declaration.

"I mean, I used to," Peter corrected, a smile stretching across his face. "Rumplestiltskin."

Peter furrowed his brows again for a moment as he thought.

"You know, I think I might have been a little tipsy when I named him," he remarked.

Felix remained silent, unsure where this conversation was now headed. He was beginning to get a sinking suspicion that this night was going to go exactly like all of Peter's other drunk nights. And that was certainly NOT beneficial for Felix.

"God, I haven't seen him in ages," Peter continued with a slight shake of his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. "And you've never seen him ever."

Peter's eyes suddenly widened as a grin spread across his face. "You know what we should do? We should go see him!"

Felix felt his breath catch in the back of his throat as he could only stare at the shorter boy.

"Come on! You wanna meet my son, don't you?" Peter pressed eagerly.

Honestly, Felix hadn't really thought about it. Peter never spoke of his son that much and Felix wasn't one to ask. From what he understood of their relationship, he highly doubted the man would be pleased to get a surprise visit from them.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Felix finally spoke, eliciting a scoff from the brunette.

"Felix, when are you going to learn that all my ideas are good ideas?" Peter asked with a raised eyebrow.

Yes, sober Peter's ideas were usually good but drunk Peter was a different matter entirely.

Peter suddenly turned towards the boys at the other end of the clearing a gave a short whistle. The boys immediately grew silent and looked over at the two.

"Boys, we'll be out late! Don't wait up!" Peter called out before grasping onto Felix's arm and making the two vanish into thin air before Felix had time to protest.

Suddenly, the two boys were standing right outside a tiny, worn-out cottage on the edge of a small town. It was dark and there were no lights coming from the cottage windows. Felix figured the man was sound asleep by now.

Peter began marching confidently up to the front door when Felix quickly placed his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Peter, this isn't a good-" he began when the boy turned and placed a hand on Felix's chest.

"Felix, I know you're nervous," Peter began with an uncharacteristically sympathetic expression. "But there's absolutely nothing to be nervous about. I mean, look at me. I haven't seen my son in decades and I'm not nervous one bit."

Felix decided not to bring up the fact that alcohol was probably playing a rather large role in that.

"No, I just meant that..." Felix trailed off as he glanced over at the cottage. "... there aren't any lights on. He's probably asleep."

Peter's eyes widened in surprise as if he hadn't even thought about that.

"Oh, right," he replied, trying to speak quieter but not quite succeeding.

Felix actually smirked a little in amusement.

"We should just come back at another time," Felix began but Peter quickly placed a finger up to his lips to silence him.

Peter retracted his hand and placed the finger up to his own lips as he slowly and carefully stepped over to the front door.

Felix only had time to open his mouth before Peter turned and began pounding as hard as he could on the wooden door.

"Peter!" Felix practically hissed, grabbing the smaller boy around the waist and hauling him back.

"Shhh!" Peter hissed back, placing a finger to his lips once more as he looked over his shoulder up at the blonde. "Be quiet, Felix. He's sleeping."

Light suddenly came flooding through the window to the left of the door.

"Peter, take us back to Neverland," Felix quickly murmured to the boy but the door was already creaking open.

An older woman with dark hair and a pale dress stood in the open doorway, regarding the two boys with a curious eyebrow cocked.

Peter's brows furrowed in confusion at the sight of the lady.

"You're not my son," he finally stated, eliciting an even more perplexed look from the woman in return. Peter didn't exactly look old enough to have a child.

"Wrong house," Felix murmured to the woman before grasping onto Peter's arm and tugging him away from the cottage.

Peter frowned as he allowed himself to be pulled down the empty dirt road.

"Unless he got turned into a woman," the brunette mused. "In which case, he'd probably be a very ugly woman. Like one of those old witches."

Peter suddenly halted in his tracks, causing Felix to turn back to the boy with a hint of exasperation in his face.

"Hey! I think there's an old witch that lives in this village," Peter stated with excitement. "She could be my son! Come on! We need to go find her!"

The boy immediately turned to head off in a new direction when Felix grasped onto his arm once more to stop him.

"Peter," Felix said with a slight frown of annoyance. This evening was becoming much more of a headache than he had anticipated. "I don't think we should-"

"Felix," Peter interrupted with sympathy in his gaze, taking the blonde's hand. "I know you're worried about meeting my gender swapped old witch son but I'm sure he-slash-she is just like everyone else. And I intend to treat him-slash-her like the son-slash-daughter I never had."

The words were kind even if misguided. Honestly, Felix wasn't quite sure how to feel about this Peter. Sober Peter rarely offered pleasant words to anyone unless he intended to get something from them. Drunk Peter, on the other hand, was a bundle of affection and warmth.

Part of Felix really did like this more loving side of the boy. The other part of him just found it immensely frustrating.

Peter continued to smile warmly up at the blonde when something behind Felix suddenly caught his eye. Peter leaned a bit to the side to see around the taller male, his eyes widening as he stared.

'Now what?' Felix wondered to himself with a quiet sigh as he glanced over his shoulder. He immediately froze at the sight of the older man several yards away placing a wooden bucket down beside the small, dark house.

Even though Felix had never seen Rumplestiltskin in person, Peter's description of the "crocodile" had been rather accurate. Felix recognized the man instantly.

Rumplestiltskin waved his hand over the empty bucket causing it to fill with cool water. He wouldn't have to be so secretive about using his magic if Baelfire wasn't so fearful of it.

"That's him," Peter whispered rather loudly to Felix, grasping onto the blonde's shirt. Peter's brows furrowed then in confusion. "Wait, I thought he was supposed to be a woman witch. He doesn't look like a woman... But he does look a bit witchy. I suppose that's good enough. Come on!"

Felix didn't even have time to open his mouth in protest before Peter was dragging him over towards the house.

Rumplestiltskin bent down to retrieve the bucket's handle, straining under the weight. He scowled to himself at the thought that he could be using magic to carry the water right then. As he turned to head back to the front of the cottage, he suddenly came face-to-face with the brunette teenager.

The man startled at the sudden close proximity, water sloshing out around his feet. Rumplestiltskin's eyes widened in shock as he took in the boy's warm smile. Felix hung back a couple of feet, watching the two warily. He was quickly regretting not doing more to stop this meeting.

"Rumple!" Peter exclaimed in delight, boldly stepping up to the man and throwing his arms around him in a tight hug.

The man instantly froze, his shoulders going rigid at the action. His brows furrowed in confusion as the boy pulled back to gaze up at the man lovingly.

"God, it's been ages since I've seen you," Peter remarked, giving Rumplestiltskin a once over. "Look how much you've grown! I'm so glad you're not an ugly, old, woman witch! Not that I would love you any less if you were."

Rumplestiltskin's brows knit together even harder as he merely stared at the boy.

"Wha... How..." He began, unsure of what to say.

"You're so excited to see me that you're speechless," Peter declared with delight, clasping his hands together. "Well, prepare to be even more speechless! Felix, get over here and meet your new step-son!"

Felix could actually feel his cheeks tinge slightly in embarrassment as both pairs of eyes locked onto him.

"Step-son?" Rumplestiltskin repeated as Peter grasped onto Felix's arm and led him over to the man.

Felix and Rumplestiltskin eyed each other for a long moment. Neither one quite sure what to make of the situation.

"Oh, isn't this exciting?" Peter asked, another grin stretching across his face as he wrapped an arm around each male. "This is exactly what I've been dreaming about! All of us together as one big happy family! This is the start of something amazing! I can feel it!"

Rumplestiltskin and Felix exchanged a glance when Peter released them and headed towards the front of the cottage. He stopped a few feet away and turned back to the two.

"Well, don't just stand there. We've got lots of catching up to do over tea and cake!" With that, Peter turned back around and continued his eager trek to the front door.

The two males merely stood there for a long moment before Rumplestiltskin broke the silence.

"He's completely drunk, isn't he?" He sighed with a frown.

Felix nodded wearily before slowly following where Peter had disappeared around the edge of the house.

Inside, the cottage was dark but warm with a low burning fire smoldering in the fireplace. Peter was standing in the middle of the main room studying all the different furnishings and fixtures when Rumplestiltskin and Felix stepped into the cottage.

"You have really outdone yourself here, Rumple," Peter said with approval, turning a smile onto the man. "I mean, look at this place! You have a little table and chairs and a fireplace and a..." He suddenly trailed off when his eyes caught sight of an open doorway just beside the fireplace.

A younger, teenage boy lay sleeping soundly in a small bed just inside the room. Peter felt a warm smile tug on his lips as he looked back over at the man.

"And you have a son, too," he whispered rather loudly.

He took a step towards the room, intending on waking the boy for this grand family reunion, when the door suddenly shut firmly in his face.

Rumplestiltskin lowered his hand back to his side as Peter glanced over at him quizzically.

"The boy needs his sleep," Rumple said simply.

"Oh, of course," Peter scolded himself, trying to speak quieter but not quite succeeding. "Children need their sleep."

The boy suddenly smiled again, walking over to Rumplestiltskin.

"Really, though, this is just incredible, Rumple," Peter gushed, stopping in front of the man. "You have a little house and a fireplace and a son! You can even do magic! You've accomplished all of this on your own."

Peter shook his head before placing a hand on the man's arm and smiling warmly up at him.

"I'm so proud of you."

Rumplestiltskin's eyes widened at the casual remark, his breath actually catching for a moment in the back of his throat. He knew it was just the alcohol talking but the look of utter sincerity in the boy's blue eyes made his normally cold, emotionless, heart warm ever so slightly. He had wanted to hear those words for so many years that he had long given up on the fantasy.

"Peter, we should be going," Felix's quiet voice broke the silence.

"Already?" Peter asked with a frown, leaning to the side in order to see around the man. "We've only been here a few minutes though. We still have to drink tea and eat cake."

"We can come back some other time," Felix responded, knowing full well they wouldn't be coming back anytime unless Peter became completely wasted again which was a good possibility.

The brunette huffed out a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I suppose," he relented before smiling up at Rumplestiltskin once more. "If you ever want to come for a visit, don't hesitate! You and your son both are welcome on the island any time!"

Rumplestiltskin watched as Peter moved past him and then took Felix's hand affectionately. Peter waved to Rumplestiltskin before both boys suddenly vanished in a cloud of smoke.

The man merely stood there for a long moment when the faintest hint of a smile tugged at his lips. He shook his head a bit in amusement before walking over to the front door and shutting it.

Felix and Peter appeared back at the campsite on Neverland only seconds later. It was the wee hours of the morning, still dark out, and all the boys were scattered about the clearing sound asleep.

"Wasn't that fun?" Peter asked quietly, with a grin, releasing his hold on Felix's hand. "And you didn't think visiting him was a good idea. I hope this teaches you that all my ideas are good ideas."

Felix merely gave the shorter boy a tiny, amused smirk. He had to admit, the meeting hadn't gone nearly as poorly as he had suspected it would. Peter was right. Just like always.

"Now, I think someone still owes me a baby," Peter purred, pressing his body right up against Felix's and tapping the blonde's nose with his finger.

Felix's eyes actually widened in surprise at the suggestion. He had been certain that the sexually charged moments earlier in the evening had long passed.

Peter grinned in amusement at the look on the taller male's face before grasping onto Felix's shirt collar and tugging him into their little, underground, makeshift home beneath the massive tree that sat just on the edge of the clearing.

Felix barely had time to shut the door behind him when Peter had pushed up on his toes in order to press his lips firmly against the taller boy's, wrapping his arms around the back of Felix's neck. Felix's hands immediately found Peter's hips as he pulled the boy harder against his body.

Felix caught a glimpse of the rope hammock out of the corner of his eye just on the other side of the room and began nudging Peter over towards it, keeping their lips, and bodies, pressed together. Once he had bent Peter over the edge of the hammock, Felix moved his lips down to Peter's throat, pressing hungry kisses down to his collar bone as his hands moved up Peter's sides, raising his shirt above his stomach.

That was when a soft noise suddenly filled his ears. Felix immediately raised up to look at the other boy's face. Peter's hands had fallen beside his head, his eyes closed and lips slightly parted as soft snores filled the air.

Felix frowned, a quiet sigh of exasperation escaping his lips.

Of course. Why would he expect anything else?

He wanted to be angry at the situation but he was so tired from dealing with Peter's drunken adventures that he honestly found the whole thing more amusing than irritating.

He glanced back down at Peter, feeling a tiny smile actually tug at his lips at the sight of the peacefully slumbering boy. He had to admit that the night hadn't gone too badly even if he wouldn't be getting any action.

Felix leaned down to press a soft kiss against the edge of Peter's lips before moving back a little in order to pick up Peter's legs and gently place him fully in the hammock. He was just about to move away from the boy when Peter's arms suddenly wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling Felix back down so Peter could snuggle his face against Felix's, another soft snore escaping his lips.

Felix's smile widened ever so slightly as he eased himself into the hammock with Peter, placing his arm around Peter's back in order to pull the boy close against him. Peter's head lay peacefully on Felix's chest, his arms still draped loosely around Felix's neck.

Felix rubbed his hand against Peter's back, his heart warming slightly. No. The night really hadn't gone too badly.

/

"Ug," Peter groaned as he slowly sat up in the rope hammock late the next morning. He placed a hand up to his temple, wincing at the throbbing in his head. Too bad his magic didn't work on hangovers.

He glanced around the room slowly so as not to make his head pound even more, a bit surprised by how dark it was despite the time. It took Peter a minute to notice that blankets had been draped over the window openings to block out as much of the sunlight as possible.

A small wooden cup filled with hot water and herbs suddenly appeared in front of him. Peter glanced up at the blonde male standing beside him before taking the medicinal liquid. The boy didn't say it but Felix could see the gratitude in his weary blue eyes.

"What happened last night?" Peter asked, his voice a bit hoarse, before taking a sip from the cup. "I don't even remember drinking."

"You went on about how we should make a baby and then passed out," Felix responded simply with a slight smirk on his lips. It wasn't a lie and there was no sense in worrying Peter over everything else that had happened. The night had turned out well, after all.

Peter frowned as he studied the blonde but then turned back to the cup.

"Babies, huh?" He asked as he took another sip. "That's a weird thing for me to talk about. You know how I feel about babies."

Felix nodded once, the smirk on his lips widening.

"I tried to explain to you how we couldn't exactly 'make' a baby but you seemed rather determined."

Felix didn't miss the tinge of pink that immediately rose to Peter's cheeks as he quickly took another drink in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

"Yes, well, the boys didn't see me in such a state, did they?" He asked, trying to casually divert the conversation.

"Only the part where you shoved your hands down my pants," Felix responded, actually chuckling at the way Peter practically choked on his drink.

Peter's eyes narrowed in annoyance as he shot a look up at the blonde.

"Why don't we just pretend last night never happened?" Peter suggested with a warning tone. He was in no mood for Felix's humor that morning.

As Peter held the cup up to his lips once more, he suddenly felt a warm breath against his skin as Felix pressed his lips gently against his temple. Peter could feel his cheeks burning red once more as he quickly placed a hand against the taller male's chest to push him away.

"Don't be weird, Felix," he scolded, refusing to look at the other boy this time. "I'm not drunk anymore."

Felix actually smiled a tiny bit to himself at Peter's embarrassment over the simple display of affection. He wondered briefly how Peter would react if he knew how affectionate he himself had been the previous night. Felix decided to keep those thoughts to himself though.

As much as Felix adored Peter in every form, he couldn't help but think that this grouchy, embarrassed, hungover Peter was his favorite. Felix couldn't resist bending down and pressing one more gentle kiss against the edge of the boy's lips.

"Maybe we really should make a baby," he murmured as his lips lingered against Peter's skin.

He chuckled quietly once more at how thoroughly red Peter's cheeks had become before suddenly receiving a splash of warm water in the face.


End file.
